I like my sex mixed with concussions.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
