Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
