Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
