Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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