i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
