Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
