2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it's like iHOP with fire
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
