if i can run in heels then i can drive
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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