if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
