Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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