im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
