I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
