I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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