never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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