She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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