Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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