You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
