Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
