Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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