Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
