I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
