Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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