just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
