Grow some girl-balls and come out already
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
