Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
