I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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