I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
