mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize