proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
