He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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