I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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