Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize