i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize