I puked a lego.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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