Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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