It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
