i would punch a child for taco bell
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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