the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
