i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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