you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
