i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
