after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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