the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
