why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize