I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
