I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
