The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
