I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
