totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
