im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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