did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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