that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
