This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
