FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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