my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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