dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
