He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize