Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
