You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't turn off my feet"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
