u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need to calm my uterus...
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