u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
