i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
