i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
