good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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