You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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