Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
