I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
