If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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