I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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