all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
