Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
nutella sex= disaster
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
