He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
