I could have mohawked her pubes.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think my moral compass just broke
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
