Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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