I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
