if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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