just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
