What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
