dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize