I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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