Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I did not marry a roomba.
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