Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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