just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
