At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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