i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize