Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
