True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
