I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
