Kiss
Puke
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize