1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
