I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize