12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
