Umm I'm too high to move.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
