Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
