wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize