I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
