i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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