So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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