Yo dont text me then not text me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
