My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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