dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
