either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
