you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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