I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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