he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
