I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
