If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i've created a new STD.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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