So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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