Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
