Define "chronic" masturbator.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize