just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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